Magikarp is a sad and impatient fish. It makes him depressed when he fights other Pokemon and all he can cast is splash. He feels like a loser and a deadbeat. He has been told that he will one day grow up to be a powerful Chinese water dragon but he finds it hard to believe.
Sockeye salmon are obviously alien life forms. I mean just look at their freaky color scheme and strange monster like mouth. They get this bright red color scheme during spawning season. I imagine they make a spooky Predator like clicking sound when they stalk their prey. I always dream of fishing in magical freshwater ponds in the middle of a dark forest with my Dad. Sometimes the fish we catch are monsters like this. BTW it is pronounced ˈsæmən.
Chaz is a tropical bream who likes to stick out his tongue and try to catch floating bits of fish food that drifts down like snow flakes. He eats a bit too much and has a chubby round belly. Fat orange fish with purple fins and fat purple lips.
I love orcas. They are intelligent and playful. Scientists think that all whales, porpoises and dolphins descended from carnivorous land animals that lived around 60 million years ago, during the Paleocene. These animals are called Mesonychids. They were hoofed predators that looked similar to wolves. It amazes me how all life is sculpted over time by its environment. And how at one point killer whales were fish that evolved into land animals and then they returned to the sea and became a mammal version of a fish again. Life is amazing. #Free-Steve-O
Spongebob sometimes has trouble sleeping. He gets consumed with existential angst. The responsibility he feels for Patrick is sometimes more than he can handle. He feels waves of dread that last for days – but it usually happens at night when he is lying in bed trying to sleep. He worries about asteroids, tornadoes, his health, interstitial lung disease, his grandma, the finite nature of life, and that the sky is falling.
I love whales. It is amazing that a life form can be so huge. It is cool how blue whales are the largest animal to ever live and how they are still here and yet they are gentle giants who feed on mountains of tiny krill. I hope humanity is smart enough to not hunt whales to extinction and not damage the oceans enough to screw up the biosphere for all animal life – including ourselves. This is a lighter than air alien whale fish with 10 eyes flying through the air like a zeppelin. It uses two blow holes on its body as rockets to power its flight.
Happy fish spend most of their time smiling. They swim around quickly – darting from side to side. They like to keep time with their favorite 80s music as they swish their tail and gyrate their fins. Happy Blue Fish with red lips.
When do fish sleep? I have it on good authority that they don’t. And it makes them melancholy. Their fishy sadness permeates their being. They swim in large lazy circles with red eyes – feeling the weight of the world on their fins. Chuck the fish needs to consider sleep aids but the thought of being addicted to them is unpleasant. Not to mention that fish cant take sleep aids because they are allergic to them and they make their lips swell. Sometimes when they sleep they dream of flying – only it is like swimming in the air. I don’t know what I am writing – I’m tired. I need to get some sleep.
These are hypothetical kicks for gaga fans. They make you play basketball 150% better. They also make you run faster and jump higher. They channel the electric bio-force of the fish swimming around in the soles into your leg muscles. Remember to feed them with the patented psychedelic alien fish food and change their water every week.
The birth of Sea Punk. Seapunk was birthed into the world via immaculate conception by a dolphin in 2011. From the sparkly rainbow afterbirth in the cold opaque waters off of the coast of Savannah Georgia, the savior spoke in a soft Southern accent of a coming cultural cataclysm. I won’t go into detail here because they are gruesome – but there is an army of sea punks working to subvert it. Aliens – oops that slipped out. More details to come later.