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Fish

shark talking to tiny fish

shark talking to tiny fish

Sharks are great talkers. They have great big gravely voices and they endlessly carry on about the past. Their favorite topic is the Great War. They love to discuss how life was in the trenches and how the expression over the top came from trench warfare. Shark talking to a tiny fish he is about to eat. Fish are friends not food. I can’t imagine why anybody would ever go into the ocean when real life monsters like this exist. You are putting yourself into the food chain.

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 sharks with frikin lasers attached to their heads

sharks with frikin lasers attached to their heads

You have to love Dr. Evil. He is such a good spoof of a typical Bond Villain. This is a picture of a Shark With Frikin Lasers Attached to his Head. Edit: gave the shark a smile because you have to frikin smile when firing a laser and also added a laser radiation sticker to emphasize what it is.

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depressed purple fish

depressed purple fish

Silly fish what do you have to be depressed about? You don’t even have a mortgage. You swim around all day eating bugs, pooping and listening to the sound of water flowing through the seaweed. Take your meds.

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Moby Dick

moby dick

moby dick

Moby Dick is probably the most famous American novel. It is about an egomaniacal whaling captain and his rabid pursuit of a giant white whale as told by a guy named Ishmael. It is considered to be one of the best books ever written about the sea. As with all great art it has had many generations of critics pouring on layers of meaning and symbolism. And it is held in far higher esteem and has enjoyed far more success in the 20th and 21st  century than it ever did in Herman Melville’s time.It is amazing to me how critics and professors are actually the people who create great art by agreeing to work together to shape public opinion with generations of analysis and interpretation. They are carving out a job for themselves by worshiping some dead collection of ornate, convoluted and impenetrable words that some guy wrote a long time ago. To me the whale represents chaos, the certainty of death and other stuff. Prove me wrong. Give me a well crafted and easy to read and grok novel written by Hemingway any day.

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Happy Fish Jumping

5 eyed fish jumping

5 eyed fish jumping


Happy red fish jumping out of the water to eat a glowing bug. This is a symbol for the Demiurge consuming the creative life force of humanity. Gnostic Theory is so interesting and creative. It reads like a science fiction novel where gods are aliens in parallel dimensions controlling human reality behind the scenes. It is far more interesting than the stale mythology of the big three religions. The water represents another dimension that the red fish has crossed out of to consume a glowing bug that represents an original thought. (mischievous smile)

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Fat Green Fish

fat green fish pink eyes

fat green fish pink eyes


Green fish with purple fins and pink eyes. They get pink eye from gnats and when they put their fins in their eyes too much on hot summer days. It makes them miserable because it hurts. Fish have a notoriously low threshold for pain.

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metal fish submarine

metal fish submarine

I love steam-punk. There is something very cool and beautiful about 19th century technology. It doesn’t look primitive. It was a time when industrial design was done by artists and technology was magical and alien. There was none of that sterile modernist minimalism that has taken over. It was complex and organic and timeless. This is an imaginary metal fish submarine. It is shiny stainless steel with a round eye window and rivets and cloth fins. I imagine it cruising around the bottom of the ocean looking for strange fish and sunken treasure.

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monster fish with ten eyes

monster fish with ten eyes

Ten eyed teal monster fish swim around in the cold swirling black waters of winter dreams. They eat radioactive paddle bugs and glow worms. They have two mouths and five tails. When they belch it creates glowing green clouds of bio-luminescent crud. Siamese twin fish always have someone to keep them company. Their situation is a bit like multiple personality disorder in physical form.

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Red Bass

red bass purple fins

red bass purple fins

I dream about fishing at some point almost every night. I am always in a small boat on a pond in the middle of nowhere. Sometimes I am surrounded by a forest and sometimes I am in a field. I am always casting towards stumps in the dark swirling water. And the fish I catch are brightly colored alien monsters. Drop the bass.

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Magikarp Sad

magikarp sad sunburst

magikarp sad sunburst

Magikarp is a sad and impatient fish. It makes him depressed when he fights other Pokemon and all he can cast is splash. He feels like a loser and a deadbeat. He has been told that he will one day grow up to be a powerful Chinese water dragon but he finds it hard to believe.

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